Sunday, July 13, 2003 :::
 

Going out to California this coming Saturday. Haven't written anything here in a while. Been too busy with things to write. A little out of it with the whole Cleveland movie scene. I am focusing on getting everything done and not thinking of doing anything else here. Still I have a lot to do. I do miss the shooting thing, but you have to put the movies out. I did get a few screenings outside of here and I got a few more lined up. Which is always good. Cause this place isn't a market anyway.

I have not been as energetic as I could have been lately. With everything going on , family wise, it is hard to be, but then again, it puts an important persective on things. Still, I don't want to get sick myself. I could really use a break from things and I know it. Still, I feel that I have slipped into a comfort zone and if I don't cut things (i.e people and habits) lose, I will be caught in a vicious circle and months down the line wonder what the fuck did I waste so much time doing that for.

I think that is how it is. You do things and you get to not enjoy them. Even get to hate them and you keep doing them because you don't know anything else to do. you're scared to not do something.

Well, got to be a man and stop being scared and be a bit crueler. When I was younger, I had no problem telling people how I felt. Now that I am older, I am not so eager to burn bridges thinking I might actually need some people later on. Still, that is no way to live. I don't enjoy some people's company and I don't enjoy... Ahh fuck it, need to really get some friends.

I think that is it. I have no real friends, so I hang around some people cause they are the closest things I have to friends. Sad. Really sad.

Well, here is a goal for California. Make a friend.

::: posted by Alex at 4:06 AM